Dear Caroline & Sophie...

I am writing this letter to you to apologize. I started this blog because I'm horrible at baby-booking. I wanted you to have some kind of chronological recording of your infancy and childhood but as it turns out, i'm horrible at blogging too. You see, I'm much better at living life than I am at blogging about life. There are a couple of reasons for this. 1.) i'm not a great writer. It's hard for me to convey with words the chaos and joy that reign supreme in our lives together. 2.) i'm so busy soaking up every drop of that chaos and joy that the last thing i want to do is miss out on any of it because i'm at a stupid computer! I promise I will try to get better at it, as I would like for you two to look back on this one day & and relish in all these beautiful little moments that i will long have forgotten by then..

So to catch up a bit:

Sophie Bea, you came along in May. I'd originally planned to take a 12wk maternity leave but I ended up going back at 6wks and taking you with me to the office every day. I shocked myself by going back early. It was a decision that i did not take lightly but God really used this time at home with you girls to show me some things. I didn't have all the work stresses that I normally bear and gone were the days of multi-tasking work with church and ballet lessons and swim lessons and grocery shopping and whats for dinner and you know what? I had NO idea what to do with myself or my beautiful daughters. God showed me that you, Caroline, are like me. You NEED constant stimulation through learning and socializing and I was incapable of providing it. So when the summer session pre-school @ Lord of Life started it was so perfectly timed. You got to attend preschool for the first time, meet the teachers you are going to have in the fall and make some new friends. You were much happier with this arrangement. And because I too, thrive on learning and working and being productive, it was during this time I that went back to work. Sophie Bea, you went with me. Since you were always strapped to me in the Baby Bjorn anyway, this was really not too much of an adjustment for you. You just had more people gushing over you, as you attended most of my meetings and consults strapped to me in the Bjorn.

God showed me something else during this time. He showed me that it is OK to delegate. during the 6 wks that i was home with you girls i realized that Ana manages the minute details of the Nickel house much more efficiently that I do. When Ana has been at the house all day with you girls, it is spotless when I arrive home in the evening--toys picked up, counters bleached, sheets washed, hardwood floors waxed, dinner on the stove, Caroline blissfully playing or reading and Sophie cooing. When I'd been at the house all day with you girls and the evening rolls around.....one word: CHAOS. It was not unusual for your dad to get home to a den that looked like a tornado had been through it, dishes in the sink, dogs running amuk all over the neighborhood pooping on lawns, dinner not ready, kids wailing, naked and dirty, toilets unflushed and me wide-eyed rocking back and forth in a corner muttering "i'm invisible, i'm invisible, i'm invisible"....

So while I wasn't so good at being in the house all day, I am good at delegating. You know who else is good at delegating? the Proverbs 31 woman, whom I strive to be like. How could she have brought her food from afar (v. 14), run a profitable vineyard (v. 16), been a successful trader & entrepreneur (v. 18, 24) AND volunteered (v. 20) without having people in her home helping her with her beloved family? She trusted those people tremendously because she knew without them, there's no way she could've done all of those things for her family. She loved them as much as she did her own family--in fact, it was very likely that she considered them to be her family. (v.15, 21, 27)...boy does that sound familiar!

What a relief it was to release Casa de Nickel back into the capable hands of Ana so I could do what I do best--be a working mom! With my precious Sophie in tow, of course...;-) Thank you Lord, for Proverbs 31! Please continue using it to teach me how to be the best mom I can be! and more importantly, mold my girls into Proverbs 31 women as they grow!

Another thing the Lord showed me during my maternity leave and this is very important girls, so listen up! He showed me that He uses the stresses of the world to keep me anchored to Him. You see, despite the chaos, the 6wks that I was home with you girls was a time that i was pretty insulated from the stresses of world that i normally experience. I wasn't working (my biggest stress source) and I wasn't reading the news (my 2nd biggest stress source) so guess what? I wasn't hitting my knees on a regular basis, praying for His help and guidance and protection. Sure, I was praising Him alot for you girls but that was still a rather imbalanced diet, as I found myself drifting farther and farther away from Him as my maternity leave inched by. Girls, find joy in your trials! (james 1) Our trials and worldly stresses are what keep us connected to Him! If life is always easy and carefree, or in my case during my maternity leave, so chaotic that we don't have time to breathe, what need to we have for Him?

One last thought to share with you: I asked Him many times while I was home with you "Lord, you have given me two of the sweetest, smartest, most beautiful girls that were ever born. Why can't I just be happy staying at home with them?" He made me wait awhile but He finally gave me my answer on July 14th, when a stranger that I'd just met --who knew nothing about me-- asked me if he could give me a word of encouragement. "sure", i responded with hesitation. "you know," he said, "God has called you to be a mother but that's not all He's called you to be." Shortly after that, we went about our separate ways. So many things clicked for me in that moment, girls! I got the answer I'd been seeking from Him and I marveled at the way in which He'd given it to me! Much like my beloved Proverbs 31 woman, for whatever reason, God wants my mission field to extend beyond my home. So during the time that He has assigned me to be a working mom, I want you girls to understand the importance of Ana, whom He's blessed our family with as means of equipping your dad and I for that task! You see, Ana's mission field extends beyond her home as well--because every day she ministers the Lord's love to you girls in such a beautiful way. And she delights in any opportunity she can to take you to her church, so not only are you learning to praise Him in English but you are learning to praise Him in Espanol as well! I wonder what He is ultimately preparing you girls for? Will you one day be missionaries in Central America? Or will you break the language barrier right here in the US by ministering to our US Hispanics? Lord, help us all not to squander this awesome responsibility you've given us..Equip my family Lord! help me to bring glory to your name every single day i am work, away from girls and then help me to bring glory to your name every night when i get home to them so that one day they may bring glory to your name in whatever language you need them to speak!

I'll leave you with these pics. I have developed an interest in photography over the past couple of years but it's only because I find such beauty in you girls that i can't resist documenting it with photos. So girls, while i may not be blogging about you consistently, i am photographing you consistently and I am praying for you ALWAYS....

Love In Christ,

Mom